This week was a long week, let me tell you.
Without getting into all the long details (if you want them, feel free to email me privately), on Thursday, I was helping out with a school activity (and thus not present for first block) that resulted in some chaos and my usually awesome students making some very stupid choices. I was furious at them. I could not stop thinking about it the whole day. I could feel the angry adrenaline rushing through my veins whenever I thought of it and whenever I retold the story. (Don't worry, that side-effect has passed).
I knew I needed to talk to my class about it, but I didn't want to waste more class time or get into arguments. So instead, I began class like I usually do--greeting them at the door with a handshake and the bellwork was on the board for them to start with. The only difference was that I did not smile. I was very quiet and very stone-faced. My students knew I was very upset with them. They quietly did the bellwork (normally there's chatter and phones are out until I ask them to put their phones away--but not today) and then I went over the bellwork with them--still stone-faced.
We talked about what would be on the upcoming exam. Then I asked them to take out a piece of paper. I reminded them that I'm not here to teach myself German, because I already know it; and that I'm not in this job for the money, because by now, we all know that teachers don't make that much. So, they shouldn't apologize to me, but instead to themselves. I asked them to write a letter to themselves to apologize for wasting their own time to review for the exam. (Thanks to my mentor teacher for that suggestion). Then I stood there with my arms folded and my face stern while they wrote. Some of the responses were full of regret and some of the responses were full of the expected teenage "it's-not-my-fault" mantra. But I hope I got them thinking.
We worked for the rest of the block in silence. When the students had questions, I walked to their desks and responded quietly, still without my usual smile. It wasn't easy. I mean, it was easy to look angry because I was! But it wasn't easy to be a mean teacher. That's just not my style and I don't like it. My next two classes that day were abnormally lighthearted and silly--productive, but silly. And I definitely needed that after my angry morning.
There's a "rule" in teaching that they say often, especially to new teachers--No Smile Til Thanksgiving (some even say Christmas)--because that apparently shows the kids who's boss. I just can't do that. I have to get to know them and show them I care, and I do so by talking with them and smiling and laughing. Not smiling doesn't have to mean that you're being a mean teacher, but for me that's how it feels. Every teacher is different, and I'm not saying either is better, but it's just not my personal style. Maybe my classroom management would be better if I tried to follow that rule better, but at least for now, I think I'm doing okay.
Although I think they absolutely deserved the lesson and my "wrath" (that almost feels too strong of a word), I'm looking forward to resuming class on Monday with my usual smile and laughter.
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