Being the mean teacher for a day

This week was a long week, let me tell you.

Without getting into all the long details (if you want them, feel free to email me privately), on Thursday, I was helping out with a school activity (and thus not present for first block) that resulted in some chaos and my usually awesome students making some very stupid choices. I was furious at them. I could not stop thinking about it the whole day. I could feel the angry adrenaline rushing through my veins whenever I thought of it and whenever I retold the story. (Don't worry, that side-effect has passed).

I knew I needed to talk to my class about it, but I didn't want to waste more class time or get into arguments. So instead, I began class like I usually do--greeting them at the door with a handshake and the bellwork was on the board for them to start with. The only difference was that I did not smile. I was very quiet and very stone-faced. My students knew I was very upset with them. They quietly did the bellwork (normally there's chatter and phones are out until I ask them to put their phones away--but not today) and then I went over the bellwork with them--still stone-faced.

We talked about what would be on the upcoming exam. Then I asked them to take out a piece of paper. I reminded them that I'm not here to teach myself German, because I already know it; and that I'm not in this job for the money, because by now, we all know that teachers don't make that much. So, they shouldn't apologize to me, but instead to themselves. I asked them to write a letter to themselves to apologize for wasting their own time to review for the exam. (Thanks to my mentor teacher for that suggestion). Then I stood there with my arms folded and my face stern while they wrote. Some of the responses were full of regret and some of the responses were full of the expected teenage "it's-not-my-fault" mantra. But I hope I got them thinking.

We worked for the rest of the block in silence. When the students had questions, I walked to their desks and responded quietly, still without my usual smile. It wasn't easy. I mean, it was easy to look angry because I was! But it wasn't easy to be a mean teacher. That's just not my style and I don't like it. My next two classes that day were abnormally lighthearted and silly--productive, but silly. And I definitely needed that after my angry morning.

There's a "rule" in teaching that they say often, especially to new teachers--No Smile Til Thanksgiving (some even say Christmas)--because that apparently shows the kids who's boss. I just can't do that. I have to get to know them and show them I care, and I do so by talking with them and smiling and laughing. Not smiling doesn't have to mean that you're being a mean teacher, but for me that's how it feels. Every teacher is different, and I'm not saying either is better, but it's just not my personal style. Maybe my classroom management would be better if I tried to follow that rule better, but at least for now, I think I'm doing okay.

Although I think they absolutely deserved the lesson and my "wrath" (that almost feels too strong of a word), I'm looking forward to resuming class on Monday with my usual smile and laughter.

Weekend Update

Well, school is chugging right along. Time sure flies and we're somehow already wrapping up the end of our third quarter. I don't know how I'm already three-fourths of the way through this year!

It's been good. Everyone says the first year is the hardest, and if that's the case, I think I'll be just fine.

I went into this year expecting it to be rough. I expected long nights at work, late nights continuing working at home, weekends filled with schoolwork, and to be tired all the time. And it has been exactly that, but it's been good. I am often at school until 6pm, although I've been trying harder later to just go home. I quickly get behind on grading and spend weekends and planning periods trying to catch up. I'm tired more often than I'm not and the best part of my week is crawling into bed on Friday night and turning off my alarm. That feeling is pure joy ;-) And I think about school all the time. But I try really hard not to, and I try really hard not to talk about it all the time. Not because it's bad to talk about it or think about it, but because I need to have other things in my life and other conversations in my life, otherwise the likelihood of a burnout is higher. I also expected the classes to be rough and students not to listen. But teaching as the teacher is a whole lot different than teaching as the student teacher or intern. I still have days where they don't listen, and I'm by no means a pro at classroom management, but it's a whole lot better than anticipated.

This whole year has been significantly better than initially expected. Maybe I mentally over-prepared myself for the worst, which I'd say is better than expecting perfection. And I can only hope that next year will be even better.

Of course, I already look back on things I've done--lessons I planned, activities I designed, and tests I wrote--and wondered what I was thinking. I kind of can't wait for five or ten years down the road. I'm so curious what things I will think were absolutely ridiculous or stupid, and what things I'll have kept the same.

And on the non-school side of things, I've joined two small groups through church, which definitely helps from keeping me a home-body ;-) One is on Tuesday, which forces me to leave school at a decent hour and socialize/praise God instead of stay at school until far too late and go home to a hungry cat and my bed. The other is on Saturday and starts this weekend, so I don't know much about it yet, but it'll also get me out of the house and socializing/praising God. I'm excited for these groups and to see what God will do in my life through them!

My mom and brother are coming down to visit in a week and a half, and I am SO excited! I have no idea what we'll do, but I have no doubt we'll have a fun time. I foresee board games and movies and forced cuddling with my brother (me forcing him, obviously. He pretends to hate it) and lots of hugs from my mom.

And in a month and a half, I'll be flying down to Honduras to visit my best friend, where she's been teaching for the past two years. We're going to do a little traveling, I think to the beach, but mostly I'm just really excited and ready for some best-friend time. And also for a vacation ;-)

Hasta luego (that's me, practicing my Spanish for Honduras, ha)