The End

It's that time of year again. It's the end of the school year. It flew by, as it always does. And yet, when I think back to the beginning of the year or to various things that happened this year, it seems like it was so long ago. It's funny how time can go so quickly and slowly all at once. I've counted down and thought it would never end, and now that it's here, I can't say I wish it wasn't, but it's still a little sad.

My classroom is packed, my car is (mostly) loaded, save for a few fabric bins and small plastic tubs that need to be carried out, and I've got two half-days left before it's all over. It's strange! When I was anticipating this week last weekend, I thought it would drag by. I thought I would be bored, like last year, and I thought the hours would tick by much slower than they normally do. I kept myself busy with packing and with planning my trip with my brother this summer. Now, I really have nothing left to do, but I still don't feel bored. I think it's because I am trying to enjoy the last moments with the few students still here. Because all the grades are in and stored, that means that most students have stopped coming, and for the most part, the kids that are still here, are the kids that I've really enjoyed and will really miss. I've tried to be intentional in saying goodbye to them, because this time it's not "Tschüss! See you next year!" it's "Tschüss! See you...never again?" It's kind of sad. I know that it happens eventually, even if I stay at the same school, because kids graduate or move away, but somehow that seems a little different.

Yesterday afternoon, at graduation, I knew several of the kids walking across the stage, mostly because I had them last year as juniors. I couldn't help but picture some of the students I've had who will be graduating next year or the year after next, and I won't be there. I know it doesn't really mean anything extra to them that I'm there, because I have to be there, but it's fun to see them before and after the ceremony and give them a hug and congratulations. There are some students that have been difficult, but have shown me their sweet side and I have grown attached and accustomed to seeing them grow up. I guess that's the hard part of this job.

Some teachers say they don't care about the students or what they think, but I'm not one of them. I don't find fulfillment in whether they like me or my class and I don't take it personally when they don't like me or my class, but I do care about my students and enjoy seeing them grow from little 9th graders to little adults. And I enjoy getting to know them personally, to an extent. I don't consider them friends by any stretch of the imagination, and I'm not interested in seeing them outside of school, but I do like the times when they open up, whether it's in class or after school tutoring, and I get to see who they really are. They're more than just a desk or a brain to put information in.

There will never be a time that would be perfect or easy to leave, since there will always be students I care about and enjoy having (and if there comes a time when that's not true, I better be considering another profession, because if I don't love the people I'm working with, then what am I even doing here? This job would be absolutely miserable if I didn't enjoy the students).

I'm excited for what's to come, but nervous at the same time. Leaving and starting somewhere new means a whole lot of new. I'll have to battle the mentality of "but the other teacher did it this way" all over again, I'm sure, but I think (hopefully!) it will be better the second time around. And this time, I'm sure that there will be some of that in reverse too, as much as I don't want my students to give someone else grief. 

Maybe I'm being dramatic or sentimental, but I think that's allowed sometimes :)

The Final Countdown

It's May! This means that there are a significantly limited number of days until the last day of school. And while I most definitely have a countdown going until summer (no alarms for 6 am, an abundance of time to scrapbook, nights without hopeful bedtimes of 9pm [although I do love early bedtimes regardless of the time of year], and European travels with my brother and the Swiss wedding of my Eurobestie!), I still struggle a little with knowing that this is goodbye to several students I really enjoy teaching. Last year, I was sad knowing I wouldn't be teaching most of last year's students this year, but I knew I'd still see them around. This time, it's likely I won't just see them around next year. 

But I'm excited for next year. It's always hard at the end of the year to remember your excitement for the beginning of the year, since everything has piled up since the beginning of the current year and I'm more often annoyed or frustrated with students than not. But I know, after 2-ish months of summer, I'll feel refreshed and find my excitement again :)